Cold And Sore, Warm And Soft
by momoxtoshiro
Summary: "Christa was so small, so innocent, and so strong, yet Ymir knew she could never get close to her, because of one unalterable factor. Her greatest fear was that Christa would find out one day, and reject her completely; if that day ever came, Ymir knew life would no longer be worth living."


**Just a little idea that has been floating around in my head for a few weeks now. Finally got the chance to sit and write it. It takes place early on, so I did my best to keep is spoiler-free. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin.**

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Cold And Sore, Warm And Soft

A cold, howling wind echoed from outside of the trainees' dormitory building, portions of the breeze managing to slip through the various cracks in the wooden walls and effectively chill the inside air as well.

Christa swore she could see her breath as she trudged toward her room, the hallway dimly lit by candles and an occasional beam of moonlight.

Drills had run extra late that day due to the mishaps of a certain pair of her companions who decided to fool around rather than train properly.

Christa's bones ached now as she remembered running ten miles through the rain with the rest of the group as joint punishment for the actions of those two people. And yet, she could not bring herself to be irked by their antics, and even now she smiled a little as she recalled Sasha and Connie's goofy grins as they dramatically collapsed at the end of the punishment run.

Despite the pangs of pain that shot through her feet with every step and the soreness straining her entire body, Christa was more exhausted than angry. She had discovered very early on that getting angry served little to no purpose and only resulted in bad blood between people, therefore she had quickly learned never to harbor such unpleasant emotions.

Unlike most of her other trainee companions, Christa had never gotten into a legitimate argument or fight, and she always tried to resolve things reasonably and peacefully. Even the sight of her fellows shouting at the labeled troublemakers of the group pained her deeply, so Christa had been sure to go up to Sasha and Connie afterward to apologize for the harsh words of the others. Even now, Christa still smiled fondly as she remembered how Connie had grasped her hands and tearfully thanked her as Sasha threw her arms about Christa's shoulders.

"Sometimes they can be a bit troublesome," she said to herself. "But they're not bad people. They're just doing things in their own way, even if it isn't to everyone else's liking."

After their group had completed the 10-mile run, they had been dismissed for the remainder of the night and immediately sought shelter from the rain. The others all complained about how tired they were, but Christa had noted that they all managed to chuckle and chat normally with one another once they had settled down for supper.

Once she had seen all of her companions more relaxed and content again, Christa had slipped away from the crowd to head to her room. She did not feel well enough to eat and knew that it would be better for her to retire to bed rather than sit at a table without touching her food and with little input to add to any conversations. Her silent presence would likely be a nuisance to the others, and she would much rather they enjoy themselves than worry over her.

At last, she reached the door to her and Ymir's room, and Christa slowly opened it, feeling a rush of cold air blast past her. Unlike most of the other rooms which were designed to accommodate three or four people, theirs was for only two, and consisted of a bunk bed, and few small tables with drawers.

She lit all three oil lamps in the room and also brought flame to a candle, but even with her long-sleeved shirt and ankle-length skirt she used as sleepwear, she did not feel any less cold. Her white socks were so thin she thought she was barefoot for a moment because she could feel the hard, freezing wood almost directly.

She sighed a little and was about to head to bed, but realized she should stretch a bit first to get her blood flowing and so she would not ache as much the next morning. She pulled her arms across her chest in turn, her shoulders both producing small popping sounds. After stretching out her legs a little, she felt they hurt even more than they had previously, and could only hope she would be able to walk without pain tomorrow.

Just as Christa did not like getting angry, in fact she was almost incapable of it, she also did not like sighing. To her, a sigh meant a regret, and she did not believe that regrets were things to be dwelt on.

Therefore, she did not heave even a single sigh as she went about the room, killing all but one flame. She did not want to regret the events of the day, as she dared to believe all the extensive training had made her just a bit stronger.

Christa momentarily gazed out the single window that was her only path to viewing the night sky. All was a vast, black velvet ocean aside from where the moon hung in the shape of a cat's claw, glowing forlornly. The scene put her in a state of peace, as she knew nighttime was the only time she could ever truly feel an ounce of ease or safety.

Even though some of the other trainees cursed the cold weather, Christa could find no reasons to detest such a beautiful, quiet scene, as not once had one of her companions been killed at night.

It was occasions such as these when Christa allowed herself to sigh, but it was melancholy and somewhat relieved as she relished the peaceful night. She closed her eyes for a few moments, accepting the chilled air into her lungs as she breathed deeply.

However, a familiar ache soon spread throughout her body, and she decided it would be best to sleep now. Her vision suddenly grew hazy and she blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear it, but to no avail, the bright flame of the oil lamp smearing into a smudge.

She steadied herself by leaning against the ladder that led to her top bunk, clutching the cold metal until she could find her balance again. _I've got to get to bed before Ymir comes back_. She told herself. _If she finds me like this, she'll only worry unnecessarily._

Gripping the ladder firmly, as to stop the pitiful trembling of her hands, Christa hauled herself up, her legs suddenly feeling like deadweight and her head as though it was stuffed with cotton.

When she had entered the small room with Ymir on their first day, the taller girl had immediately proclaimed Christa take the top bunk. "You're so tiny, so you'd have no problem getting up there!" She had announced with a grin. Christa had confirmed that Ymir was okay with having the bottom bed before she accepted the offer.

It was not long afterward when Christa had discovered that Ymir's favorite hobby was boosting her up to her bed whenever she climbed up, and even when Christa scolded her with a blush and a pout on her face, Ymir only laughed every time.

But now, as she struggled to keep her body under her control, Christa thought she would not have minded Ymir's assistance.

Somehow, she stopped herself from falling when her foot slipped once, and she eventually managed to drag herself into her bed.

Peeling off the neatly-tucked sheets, Christa crawled underneath, seeking shelter, even though the material was cold. As she laid her aching head down onto her pillow, a harsh shiver ran through her.

Letting out a long breath, Christa closed her eyes to the dark shadows, welcoming sleep.

However, her shivers kept her awake as she restlessly twisted from side to side, wincing whenever a particularly sore muscle acted up.

She flipped around for what must have been an agonizing thirty minutes before she came to terms with the fact that the shivers she was feeling were not due to the cold weather. Her head was throbbing and her breath came with difficulty as she tried repeatedly to fall asleep. The most she could manage was a few minutes before her eyelids fluttered open once more.

It must have been past midnight by now and she knew Ymir would be coming back soon. But just as Christa resolved to ignore her trifling aches, she heard a familiar pair of footsteps that she was naturally used to hearing by now. Christa flipped over to face the wall, hoping to appear asleep as to not worry her roommate as Ymir opened the door and stepped in.

"Man, that was a good meal!" Ymir announced. "Ah, damn." She quickly lowered her voice when she saw that Christa was in her bed.

Christa remained still, praying that Ymir would simply go to bed without noticing her condition. She heard some shifting as Ymir walked about the room for a minute before killing the final flame, shrouding them in darkness, save a sliver of moonlight.

Christa smiled a little as she heard Ymir head to the foot of her bed, wishing her silent prayers of goodnight.

But just before Christa's eyelids could fall shut, they snapped back open when she felt a slight rocking of the bunk bed. Ymir's presence was unmistakably drawing closer, and within seconds, Christa felt another body next to her.

"Ymir..." Turning over onto her other side, Christa sought out her roommate's eyes in the darkness.

"Oh, Christa!" It was clear by her tone that she was grinning. "Sorry, did I wake you? Looks like I crawled into the wrong bed again."

"Again?" Christa repeated. "Each time, I find it harder and harder to believe you accidentally crawled up the ladder into the wrong bed out of confusion."

"Aw, oh well." The taller girl shrugged. "Too much effort to go back down now." She yawned. "Unless it's too cramped?"

Christa could not hold back the smile that crossed her lips then. The first time Ymir had partaken in such antics, Christa had been surprised by their proximity.

The so-called incident of Ymir stumbling, or in this case climbing upward, into the wrong bed had quickly grown to be a normal occurrence, especially during the colder nights; now, it was a common event just about every other night.

But Christa always smiled at Ymir's concern for her. No matter how many times Ymir imposed herself into Christa's bed, she never failed to check that her presence was not unwanted, always being sure to give Christa the opportunity to kick her out if she so desired.

But of course, Christa had never once sent her away, and tonight was no different.

"It's not cramped." Christa murmured. "In fact it's... quite warm..." She added quietly so Ymir could not hear.

To be honest, Christa was a little concerned that Ymir would sense she was unwell, but Christa knew that sending her friend away would only triple that likelihood.

"That's a relief." Ymir moved in a little. "Your bed is at least a thousand times more comfy than mine. But that might just be because you're in it." She mused before continuing in a triumphant voice. "Ah gosh, I really lucked out! Even after all this time, I _still_ can't believe we're roommates. That dumbass Reiner can suck my-"

"Ymir." Christa hastily cut her off in a fluster. "H-How was dinner?"

"Huh? Oh it was great! Anything tastes better after running ten miles in the rain, even that slop!" Ymir laughed for a second before she realized something. "You didn't have dinner, did you?"

"Ah..." Christa recoiled as she fell into the hole she had dug for herself. "No. I wasn't very hungry."

"Are you serious?" Ymir's eyes narrowed in the darkness. "How could you not be hungry after all that?"

"I don't know. I was more tired than anything, so I knew I wouldn't be very attentive in a conversation and I just came back here." She said dismissively.

But Ymir could tell something was off with her, and fell silent for a minute. Christa soon grew nervous and shuffled her shoulders in discomfort.

"Ymir?"

"Shh." Ymir silenced her as she inched closer to Christa.

Christa obeyed, feeling anxiety welling up in her chest. She heard the rustling of the sheets as Ymir lifted her arm, and Christa instinctively flinched as she reached forward. But Ymir's touch was gentle, as it always was when dealing with her blonde roommate, and Christa felt her warm hand brush her bangs to one side.

"Ymir?" Christa repeated her name, puzzled by her actions.

"Dummy." Ymir closed the last few inches between them and wrapped her arms around Christa. "You're breathing really hard. If you're sick you've gotta let me know."

"Y-Ymir, you-"

"Shush. Just go to sleep. I'll keep you warm and you keep me warm, how's that sound?" She pulled Christa tighter to her, running her fingers through her silky-soft hair.

The trembling that Christa had been attempting to suppress rose up as a violent shudder raked her entire body, reminding her of just how cold and sore she was. But Ymir was warm and soft, and Christa could no longer hold back as she nestled into that comforting embrace.

Ymir could not help but grimace as Christa came closer to her. Of course she cared for Christa, treasured her, loved her more than anything in the world, would die for her in an instant. But Ymir knew she could never be strong enough to protect her forever.

Despite her dark secrets and inhuman power, she could never quite shake the feeling that she would not always be able to protect the girl in her arms.

Christa was so small, so innocent, and so strong, yet Ymir knew she could never get close to her, because of one unalterable factor. Her greatest fear was that Christa would find out one day, and reject her completely; if that day ever came, Ymir knew life would no longer be worth living.

But until that day came, Ymir intended to enjoy her time together with Christa to the absolute fullest.

Pushing down her insecurities, Ymir rested her chin on Christa's head. She wanted to hold her tighter, closer, but Ymir could not help being frightened. With her power, she could easily crush Christa's petite form without even trying. She could feel the smaller girl's shoulder blades beneath her shirt, her slender figure worryingly delicate. But most painfully of all, she could feel the unmistakable rhythm of Christa's heartbeat within her chest.

So many times, Ymir had awoken from nightmares involving that sound screeching to a deadly halt, only to open her eyes to find Christa right there beside her.

She never wanted to think of such terrifying things, therefore now, Ymir relished the feeling of Christa breathing softly in her arms, listening to her fluttering heartbeat.

As time went on, Christa's shivers gradually died down, and her breathing slowed. Ymir ran her hands over the smaller girl's back to keep her warm, and Christa just barely managed to open her eyes a little.

"Ymir... Thank you..." Her voice was cracked from exhaustion and raspy from sleep. "Goodnight..."

"Yeah." Ymir waited for Christa to close her eyes and drift off into slumber before she softly kissed her head. "Night, Christa." Ymir murmured.

At last she closed her eyes, hugging Christa tightly to her as she relished her warmth, silently vowing to never let go.

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**A/N: Just a little something I needed to get out there. Hope you enjoyed.**

**Please review!**


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